Sometimes I come out of a listed house wondering "what were they thinking?". When people are trying to sell their house, you'd think that they would want as much money for it as possible. After all, it's a huge investment.
Especially now - there's more competition on the market for buyers to choose from.
In addition, one would think sellers want to sell as quickly as possible.
Yet I come across *all* kinds of crap out there. Yes, crap - such as people (adults) actually living in a unfinished basement crawl space - even WHILE buyers are coming through! White shag-rugs with a strange red stain so large that it looks like a scene from a CSI episode. Hideously, loud paint colours. Prominent tributes to deceased family, friends or relatives. Urns with cremated remains of a human and/or pet sitting on the mantle. Sometimes I wonder if people are actually trying to SELL their house or just scare the bejeepers out of all who visit.
So thinking back to some of the things that my buyers and I have seen, here are my "tips" for how to NOT sell your house.
- Don't clean up. Thirty-three pairs of family shoes in the foyer - that's the most I've ever seen so far, and yes, I had to count. Dirty ashtrays, clothes on the floor, socks in the living room, uncleaned kitty-litter pans, old newspapers, empty beer bottles all strewn around - just begs for a offer-bidding war, doesn't it?
- Don't de-clutter. All this does is tell buyers "Hmmm, there's not much space in this house. We need to look elsewhere".
- Don't de-personalize. That picture of your charming niece is someone else's "Ugly Betty". Why distract buyers from the real reason they're there?
- Don't re-paint - by far the most inexpensive way to get more money for your house. This isn't about being proud of your daughter's hot pink bedroom choice. It's about neutralizing the house so buyers can picture *themselves* living there.
- Don't air it out - Cook something nasty, even just boil a cabbage - very little chases buyers out of a house faster than an odour.
- Leave dirty dishes out everywhere. Dishes in the sink or dishwasher are understandable. People are very busy these days. But dirty dishes everywhere else just says "Animal House" - lowball offer! Maybe leave a bucket of fried chicken out for the guests!
- Leave dirty laundry out. Imagine going into a room to see dirty clothes littering the floor or a g-string the size of Neptune hanging on a laundry string! A nice, open, fermenting bag of hockey equipment is a nice touch.
- Don't clean the windows. Just another implication that the house hasn't been cared for and therefore is worth considerably less than you want to receive.
- Don't turn on the lights. Sure. You want to sell a house worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and at the same time save 50 cents by not leaving the lights on for an hour!
- Don't open the drapes. Great - if you're selling a cave!
- Don't clean the yard. Nothing sells a house like an old bath tub or car growing in the yard or having the buyers trip over something or step in dog-doo-doo.
- Leave Uncle George's ashes on the mantle. You can't imagine how fast this can spook home buyers right out of the house.
- Leave unfriendly pets in the house. Nothing says "Buy me" like a crazed dog threatening to tear down a door to gnosh on your leg. It's a great way to appeal to the buyers who don't like animals.
- Don't shovel the walk/mow the lawn - imply how unkempt the rest of the house is - a great way to say "Don't come in!"
- Use compact fluorescent bulbs and/or under-wattage bulbs. Sure, CFLs save money but the bluish tint they cast in your home isn't the most pleasing. For the duration you have the house on the market, make it look warm and inviting - use incandescent bulbs *and* brightly light everything. Pack those CFL bad boys in your moving cartons to take with you. Heck, I'll even pay for the bulbs!
- Don't replace burnt out bulbs. Just let buyers guess what your place looks like!
- Don't clean sticky/dirty floors/carpets. In one house, I had my stock almost pulled off my foot because it got stuck to something nasty-sticky on a hardwood floor - yum!
- Don't use a Realtor. In large part, getting the best price comes from the having your house receive the widest exposure possible. The only ones looking at sell-it-yourself sites are bargain hunters - in effect, you're targetting the cheapie buyers who are likely going to offer you even less!
- Stay home during a tour. Showing them what *you* want them to see, rather than let them see what *they* want to see. Yeah, that's smart. Your presence also inhibits their own open conversation and their need to open cabinets and closets. And it makes them feel like you're hiding something, by trying to control the tour.
- Leave your choice of music playing. Not everyone appreciate rap or even classical music. You're not selling them on your big-azz stereo or musical tastes. Let buyers talk about the house in peace.
- Leave your family pictures on display - I had a client who *loved* one condo but abruptly and absolutely refused to make an offer once he saw a picture of the current owners. "Our type of people hate their type of people" he said - "But they don't come with the house!", I explained. No use. Never have I seen an about-turn faster than that.
- Post lousy pictures with your listing. And some people wonder why no one is touring the house? Have a look below at some pics I've seen with real listings.
- Smoke like a chimney inside - Next to a bad cooking-related odour, I would say that the smell of embedded old/stale cigarette smoke drives buyers out of a house (especially non-smokers), unbelievably fast.
